You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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