During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This baby is an asshole
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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