Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
