I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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