Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
