And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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