i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
