That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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