we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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