I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
