When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
