yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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