Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
