Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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