my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it's like iHOP with fire
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
