Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
