Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
