Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
