you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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