The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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