do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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