Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
