my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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