I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
