He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
