Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
