last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
