So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
