My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
