Already got asked if we're dating
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
