the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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