Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
