Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
