His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
