just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
