listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
