Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.

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(925): View more from California

Wait, how do girls masturbate?

(1-925): View more from California

I dunno we use shower heads I guess.

(925): View more from California

..how does it fit?

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'

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(631): View more from New York

You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.

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(913): View more from Kansas

the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.

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(802): View more from Vermont

just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store

(203): View more from Connecticut

was it you?

(802): View more from Vermont

...yes

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(678): View more from Georgia

No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.

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