May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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