Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
