I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
