3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
