Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
