best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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