I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
