Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
