Whod you bang
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
