There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
