I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
