He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
