i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
