i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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