Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
